Monday, November 12, 2012

New Moon Musings....On Becoming A Mother

November 12, 2012

I’m sitting here in preparation for tomorrows new moon.  Petitioning Creation for help, for guidance, to assist me in trusting the huge unknown I have entered into.  I’m becoming a mother.

What am I being asked to let go of?
What is my gift?  What do I bring?

This past weekend I did a 4 day ‘5 Rhythms’ dance workshop.  It was profound.  I realized that there is a wave that maps out the process of deep change, and that I have crested…and am currently in the crash of CHAOS.  I learnt that there is a depth of inner peace that is accessible as a direct result of the collective chaos that is taking place on the planet at this time, and that there is truly stillness in the ‘I’ of the storm.  I followed the fears and the resistance to their deeper places of residing, I honored the presence of each one….and the heart that makes them throb.  I went deeper, released more, let go of ‘holding my head high’ and just allowed my head to hang, I followed my energy down, I found ground….but I didn’t find bottom.  
I found ‘through’…. 
and ‘into’.  

I experienced the huge power that is present when One, (me, myself, I)…taps into the pulsing  rhythm of collective chaos….discovering again that it is Energy/Inner.Chi…..unlimited…unformed….totally raw….and that Creation feeds and hungers in the intimate center of my own chaos, finding its way into form and dissolving.  Endless cycles within a cycle.  And I tapped it…..I tapped my place of knowing how to release and allow the process of death, birth, and life, to occur through me.  It was heartbreaking and incredible all in an eternal instance.

I AM pregnant.  

Creation is happening in the wet wild unknown of my inner everything….and I am perfect in my ability to powerfully crash, crumble, drool, slither, dance, quake, rumble, breathe and dissolve into the everything of BIRTH.  I REALIZED the experience of  where to journey INSIDE OF MY OWN SELF to tap into everything that exists everywhere…..and from here I will GIVE/ BIRTH Creation into BEing.

What am I being asked to let go of?
*Everything about myself that I’ve ever known.
*Everything about my life that existed before now.
*My illusions of safety.
*My fear:
of not being good enough
of not being enough
of not being wanted
of not being capable
of not knowing the right thing to do
of not having everything that i need
of being in partnership
of being hurt
of being damaged goods
of not being heard
of being stupid
of being raped
of being misrepresented
of being ashamed
of being too much, too little, too open, too shy, too needy, too scared, too hungry, too sad, too unworthy of any good thing that life might tease me into believing i could have.
*My limitations.
*My lack of faith
*My distrust
*My unreliableness
*My smallness
*My wanting….my endless and deep wanting.

In order to have.
to be.
to experience.
to express.
to enjoy.
to love.
to allow.
to create.
to trust.
to feel.
to feel.
to feel.
to FEEL my life in all of its moments.
E.motion is

What is my GIFT?  
What do I bring?
My whole self.  Untweeked to fit an.others need of who I should or shouldn’t be.  Me.  The God.ness that lives and breathes and becomes through the very essence of my journey of discovery.  I bring the ability to see…and to feel with ever cellular fiber of my being what is possible in the context of LOVE.  What pure creation energy, raw & unstifled, is capable of BEcoming…naturally…because it is coded and programmed to become….endless….never staying….all.ways moving toward that which is unfathomable through the human ego filter.  Love Invincible, more courageous and awe.some than anyone of us could ever imagine…because we ARE THAT….WE ARE.  I allow the Vision of YES! to dream through me.  To become a possibility in the I’s of others.  To be spoken, considered, felt,  I am a vessel of everything pure and right and worthy and good.  And I LOVE.  Oh how I love.  I hold the possibility of each Souls highest and most profound completion.  I am truth.  I AM my gift.  I AM. 

What am I learning by presently being and dancing in the space between what I release and what I gift?

I realized that I can shift my script.  The journey of now is not to release, allow, or accept what is being asked of me at this time, but to GIVE it.  To give that which is ready to go, to change, to be recycled.  To generously give myself completely to the life that is be.coming through me.

I also see that life and birth is received more than given.  That there is a peace.filled creation dance that softly touches and honors the Earth and her wisdom….and by letting go and resting into the support of the Earth, by staying close to her and listening to her whisper through y.our bones, breath, and brains….Source can offer all of lifes possibilities in full ‘charge’ as the energy is naturally being grounded and given to the planetary grid for the benefit of all.

This is so Now. And so it is. Today and All.Ways Evolving .

Thank yoUniverse.All.One

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